Farts Kill

Artie had gas once again. It had been five years since he last had gas but it was back with a serious attitude now. Now his gas was trying to kill him and anyone he got close to. His hamster was dead, his grandma was in the hospital, the neighbors sued him and then moved out.
Artie went to the doctor. The doctor prescribed some bean-o and then ran out of the room. Artie ripped another fart and the nurse imploded. How would he ever find a girl to share his pathetic life with? He rode his scooter to the brothel, but they would not let him near the place. Then he rode into the mountains and boned some deer.
Artie’s lungs were filling up with the poison fart dust. The only way for him to clear his lungs out was to hang upside down and have a badger claw his nuts. Artie walked around looking for a badger hole. He found the perfect one on the side of a cliff. Artie hung down and placed his nuts on the edge of he hole. He sprayed mink oil on them and waited. Nothing happened. He fell asleep in that position.
Artie woke up screaming. His stomach was churning like it was going to explode. He yelled. Something was feeding in there. It was like two tapeworms were spaghetti wrestling. Artie pinched his nose and closed his eyes. He tightened his abs and tried to push out a poo. The tail of a garter snake emerged from his ass. Artie pushed harder. The snake violently wiggled itself back into his ass. Artie pushed even harder and the snake shot out into the air. In it’s mouth was a small neon frog from the Amazon.
Artie felt better. He rode his scooter back to his apartment. He no longer had gas.

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