Say Goodbye to Lizard Dick

I really admire the way you can carve tang. But even though you were a player in college doesn’t mean that you’ve won. Sure, fuk them across the room when you think I’m sleeping. But I have found something better. I can’t tell you here cause people might read this. Have you ever heard of Vitalitronics?
I’ve always wanted to ride a motorcycle. But I’ve always had problems sitting on my nuts. I could never find a comfortable bike seat. I’d always end up sitting on one of my balls right in my ass. If I reverse farted the ball would go up my ass and I almost got two herneas that way.
If you’re looking for the ultimate hernea! All it takes is one nymphomaniac and a bunk bed. Get into kneeling position on top bunk. Allow nymphomaniac to perform oral favors. Urge nymphomaniac to jump off of bed while still attached. Watch your nuts grow.
There used to be jobs getting stoned. When there were kings, they often hired stoners to test the food. Make sure the king didn’t get poisoned. A lot of stoners have a tremendous tolerance to pcp.
I’m gonna have to pack another bongrip if I want to stay up any longer. I just powered a super fat rip out of a sobe bottle. The phlegm is building up in my throat. I need some beer bad. Or some soy milk. I’m blasted out of my mind right now. The beer is being cooled in the freezer. I just finished the vanilla soy milk.
I’m still waiting for that shit beer to be cold enough to swallow. Even the shittiest beer tastes good when it’s just above freezing. There was a bar across the street where I used to live in LA. It was called Lost & Found. The bartender looked like Mr. Witherspoon in Scooby Doo. A guy that looked like a sea captain in his last emaciated days after spending fourteen days in a life boat with scurvy. Tiny Arms and I would play darts. You were greeted by a guy falling on his barstool. I’d have to cross a busy street stumbling drunk. Dragging my head across the asphalt. Sometimes I had to crawl down to the stop light and then crawl across on the walk signal. If you’ve ever been to Aspen you know about dragging your head on the ground. I’ve never done so much coke.

  • By Alexander Gibbondick, July 18, 2005 @ 1:01 am


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