Dicing Poo for Fun and Profit

What’s the sound of a thousand rabbits shitting in your ear?
Purkin was a nature freak. He could track sparrows by the thickness of the shit on the branches. Everywhere he traveled he would collect turds. He had what was perhaps one of the finest scat collections in the galaxy. That all got ruined when his son wanted a dog. The little guy had to have a dog or he was gonna run away. That dog ate his entire collection the first night he was there. A decade’s worth of work recycled.
Purkin’s son became quite the tracker himself. Though he never did get a handle on the scat reading. Purkin remains to this day probably the fastest crap dicer I have ever seen.

  • By Quick Draw McGonads, June 14, 2005 @ 6:52 pm

    Nothin’ like toppin’ off a pipe full o’ weed with a crumb or two of the old Sparrow turd. It gets you 15% higher if you live in a town.

  • By Ed "100 weevil dicks" Yates, June 15, 2005 @ 12:16 am

    I’ve seen an old beaver trapper read scat like a diary. Not only could he tell the last time the animal had eaten and what it was, he could also tell the last time the beaver had busted a nut.

  • By Adam Gulrich, June 15, 2005 @ 1:36 am

    My grandpa paints with bat guano. He scrapes it off a cave behind his house, grinds it up, and then ads pigment and olive oil. It’s cool cause it dries and then starts to inflate.

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