It was a dark and greasy night. Bernardine finished boning a coal miner.
“You can leave the money next to my bagel,” she said.
The coal mined droppped four crumpled dollars and walked out the door. Bernardine took a shit and pissed out the dusty wad. She looked in the mirror an reapplied her lip stick.
“You are an amazing hooker,” she said into the mirror. “You provide excellent sex.”
The next john knocked.
Don Pud walked in and dropped his pants. There was a rooster head instead of a dick.
“Sorry sir,” she said. “I don’t do cocks.”
“I don’t service men with rooster dicks. Wanda down the hall can help you.”
“I got a hundred dollars if you can make this old bird chirp.”
“Let’s see the money first.”
Don Pud pulled out a thick roll of bills and peeled off two fiftys. He draped them over his dick.
“Ok. I’ll tug it, smoke it, and bury it. But don’t stuff it in my butt.”
“That’s fine,” said Don Pud.
Bernardine pressed play on the ghetto blaster. Sade started singing. Bernardine slowly crawled over to Don Pud.
The rooster’s eyes flipped open.
It started chirping.
Don Pud flicked it on the beak.
“No music. It scares him.”
“I fuck to Sade.”
“It doesn’t like music.”
Bernardine started petting the rooster. It snapped at her hand.
Don Pud punched the rooster. “Calm down Jim. I’m trying to get you laid.”
“You better control that thing or it’s no fucking.”
“Its nervous. Do you have any sedatives?”
“No, but this works.” She pulled a cattle prod from under the bed. “Calm down rooster dick.” She zapped the rooster. It’s eyes bulged and then it went limp.
“Fuck,” said Don Pud.
Bernardine zapped it again. Nothing. She tried again. Nothing. “It doesn’t like electric shocks.”
“Thank you hooker. I think I’ll go now.”
“Wait. Try this.” Bernardine pulled a bag of white bricks out of her purse. She put a rock of crack into a glass pipe and stuffed it into the rooster. “Choke it. When I light it let go.”
“My dick don’t smoke crack.”
“Do you want to bone or not?”
“Alright. Now choke it.”
Don Pud choked his rooster dick and let go. The rooster gasped for air and got a mouth full of crack. It coughed and started freaking out. Bernardine jumped on it and stuffed it into her pussy.
Grease dribbled out of her ass.