Rasputin's Pasty Bloated Dick

Dr. Plow was more than happy to join the expedition. He had been the point man on several forays into the unknown, so it was natural that they asked him. But the price they were willing to pay made him very uncomfortable. He’d never seen such a figure so large. That’s why he was at Dr. Springbarf’s house having a drink.
“Can you repeat that number again,” said Dr. Springbarf.
“You heard me right,” said Dr. Plow. “And they cover all expenses.”
“Unbelieveable. Do they need anyone else?”
“Why? You thinking of getting into the exploration racket?”
“For that kind of money I’ll do anything.”
“Would you cornhole Hairy Maude?”
“I would.”
“Would you cornhole Greasepit Wanda?”
“Who says I haven’t.”
“You serious? You back-doored a patient?”
“No way. Not with this dick. I would back-door her with Rasputin’s pud, maybe.” Read more »

Rehab Anyone?

“Now that I’m out of rehab it’s time to get laid,” said Harv. Harvey had been in a clinic for two weeks for his addiction to hookers and strip clubs.
“You better not,” said Madge, his mom, while they drove home in her Buick. “Your father, rest his soul, and I paid good money to get you into rehab, and you want to go out and spear some strumpet. Harvey, I can’t believe you.”
“I was just joking Mom. What I really need is a good strong cup of coffee. The splosh they serve in there must come from the waste treatment plant. I think the chef pisses in the muesli so he doesn’t have to walk to the bathroom.”
“Harvey, I don’t want to hear any of this. We’re gonna get you home, get you a nice bowl of soup and you can read a book and think about your disease.”
“It’s not a disease Mom. It’s an addiction. A disease is bad for one’s health. Pumpin hookers is good for one’s health. Read more »

Super Tiny Wang

You might wonder if a man with a two centimeter penis has trouble satisfying women. But Barry “Super Tiny Wang” Vlasco is not your typical man. And the fact that he’s getting it reduced by a half centimeter seems unlikely to disillusion the throngs of women that wait outside his apartment door almost every night. Many of those women describe Barry as an animal in the bedroom.
“He’s the last of the true Scandinavian Sexbeasts,” said Charlotte Crudodeflap, a self-confessed Super Tiny Wang enthusiast. “His moves make your toes curl and your nub sizzle. Pure ecstasy.”
Martha from the corner store describes his techniques as “from the future” which is not too far from the truth. Bary does in fact have a vapor dong, a tiny laser embedded in his penis that projects a pud that’s nine inches long and almost four inches in diameter.
Barry invented the vapor dong out of necessity. He was born with an average size dork Read more »

Who Invented Coleslaw?

Gary drove his tractor over the rows of cabbage. He loved cabbage. He loved everything about it. Gary remembered the day he made love to his first cabbage. He saw the cabbage from across the country store. It was staring at him. He felt his chump pulsating. Gary grabbed the cabbage, picked up an apple corer and went into the back of the store. He twisted a hole into the cabbage and then pumped the cabbage till it fell apart. He blasted paste over it as it fell shredded onto the floor. And that’s how coleslaw was invented.
Margaret walked down to the post office with eighteen dildos tied to a rope. Read more »

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