New Zoo Powerscrew

A pig’s dick is shaped like a corkscrew. When we would visit my cousins in the country, they had a bunch of randy pigs that they would let loose at the fair. The whole town would be filled with holes by the end of the weekend.
My cousins were cool cause they got to shoot guns and ride horses and drive tractors and huff gas. When I’d visit, my parents would let me go with the cousins and I would get super high and we’d have bb gun wars. We’d make ninja stars out of old cars. We’d hunt squirrels with machine guns.
I feel like a complete mental case when I walk up to the cashier with three jugs of cheap wine. But I learned early that the finer things in life shouldn’t cost more than a dollar a gallon. Spending every day after school in the alleyway with the winos paid off big time when I got my first job. I worked for a liquor distributor. My route lost the most merchandise of any in the city. They put a secret buyer on my route and trapped me. Now I work at the zoo.

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