Water Hawk

Water Hawk. In days of yore and times of pain there lived a giant with a taste for freezer eagle. He woke every morning and pillaged the townsfolk. He pawned off half the shit he scored and then hid the rest in frog holes on the hill behind his house. Every day at noon he visited his smoking chamber and studied his rituals. This giant was a learning machine. He could process information at a rate ten thousand times the average mammal. He had fifty brains placed at strategic locations throughout his body. They were backed up by a cellular RAID system. If brain cells from one brain were destroyed by some ditch weed or poorly synthesized acid, there were already duplicate brain cells moving along the lymph stream to replace them. He read everything he could get his hands on. He inhaled the information like time was running out. In fact it was, and it still is. If you are reading this then you know what I am talking about. Do you ever feel like your life is just wearing down in fast motion? That’s because it is. We are all getting weaker. That’s because there are giants crapping upstream. The river of shit water that we consume on a daily basis is enough to stunt anyone’s development. But at the rate the shit is flowing into our systems now, we are getting weaker faster than we ever have in history. You are watching yourself sufficate in fart. You too feel the weight getting heavier. Its getting harder and harder to dig yourself out of that hole isn’t it? You know when you go to bed but you just sit there running escape plans in your head. Now when I walk into a room, I will know where every potential exit is. I will have plotted two or three escape plans including using my foldable grappling hook. If you’re looking for a real self-confidence builder then you too should carry the newest in grappling technology. This five prong beauty is built to last a life time but still maintains that timeless look that you’ll be proud to wear. Five billion ninjas can’t be wrong!

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